Knock 'Em Dead Harry
by Eagle6
Summary: Everyone keeps running from Harry. Is it because he's the Boy Who Lived, or his horrid breath? Read on to find out! HUMOR No Spoilers for any books!


I do not own Harry Potter or anything so related to it. Nor do I own Altoids.

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Knock Em' Dead Harry

Rating : G

Summary : Everyone keeps running from Harry. Is it because he's The Boy Who Lived or something worse?  
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Harry Potter was making his way through the Great Hall for breakfast. He always had breakfast with his two best friends, Hermione and Ron. He always thought they were a cute couple, when they were not having an all out row. But even Harry knew, something would be terribly wrong if they were not.

As he made his way to where they were both seated, he was surprised to see Ginny seated across from the two. What was not so surprising was to find his two best friends having a heated debate over something that he considered to be pointless and petty. Ginny looked as though she was trying to ignore their little spat, but her brown eyes gave her away.

"It's not my fault my wand broke again!" Ron said in a heated tone to Hermione who had a glare that could easily kill.

"Look, I have told you that 'hitting' with your wand does not help the spell to work!"

Harry just looked at them and rolled his eyes. So, Ron broke his wand again? Fancy that. To this day he still was not able to figure out how he broke his wand while they were in the car during their second year. Harry had to admit, he loved Ron like he was a brother, but he could sometimes be, well, thick.

"Hey Ron, Hermione," Harry said in a pleasant tone of voice.

"WHAT!" The two said in a unison that could be heard throughout the whole world.

"Hey sorry, I came for the food. I didn't know I was going to be the main course."

"Hey Harry, good to see you."

"You two Gin." Harry started to speak in a whisper to Ginny. "So, what's it about this time, as if I should ask."

As Harry started to speak, Ginny felt as though she was going to hurl. Could it be that Harry has bad breath? No, it must be something else she thought. However, she grabbed at her nose as though she had to satisfy the urge to scratch or pick her nose. Thankfully the 'debate' started to heat up again preventing her from speaking.

"Why can't you just admit that I am right Ronald? Just once," Hermione stated in a haughty tone of voice.

"Why can't you just admit that you think you know it all and just get over yourself!"

"What did you say?" she said with a shocked tone and a glare on her face.

"You heard me Mione."

"Your right, I probably should just stay out of this one," Harry said in a whisper to Ginny, who was now looking as though she was smelling some dirty laundry. In fact, it almost made her eyes water as she got a second blast of Harry's breath.

"I'm sorry Harry, I have to go, I can't stay any longer." And with that she got up and started to walk away from the table at a speed of urgency that to Harry, looked as though she was hurt by Ron and Hermione's row. Harry always had a thing for Ginny, and did not like to see her upset. He knew that she and Ron were close, and to see her brother fighting with his girl, was probably making her feel hurt and annoyed. Little did he know, the answer was directly under his nose.

"Well, fine, if that is how you feel about it Ron, then I am leaving!"

"FINE!"

By this point, Harry had just had it. Ginny got up and left because his two best friends were being stubborn and pigheaded, and now they were about to go once again fuming all day long. 'That tears it!' he thought.

"ALRIGHT!" He said getting their attention, "I came down here for some breakfast with my two best friends, and now I just want to lose my breakfast before I even eat!" As he moved in towards Hermione, she curled up her nose at his statement. Harry thought, 'Now we're getting somewhere.'

"And you," turning on Ron. "Ginny left just now in a hurry because she could not even enjoy her breakfast, because her own brother is behaving like a git!" At this comment, Ron's face looked as though he had been punched in the nose by a glove in a prize fight.

As Harry continued to chew out his friends for their bad mood, both Ron and Hermione exchanged looks towards each other as if to say 'What did he have to eat the night before?' 

"Um Harry,..." Hermione started, but was cut off by Harry.

"I'm not finished, so shush!" 

As Harry said that, Hermione's eyes started to water. How repulsive. Is he even aware that his breath could knock em' dead.

"Harry, could I," but just as with Hermione, Harry turned on Ron.

"Knock it off Ron, I still have more to say." Ron just looked at him with a torn up look on his face wondering when he was going to shut his mouth. Ron could not believe that Harry's breath could be so horrid.

As Harry continued his rant and raving, Ron and Hermione kept exchanging helpless looks towards each other wondering if he would ever end.

"Now I know the two of you don't always see eye to eye, but getting upset about something as petty as who's always right or wrong is just not right."

Ron, started to feel light headed and wondered if he might faint. Hermione was not looking too good ether. In fact, her face was starting to look green and pale from the stench. Finally, Hermione spoke up almost pleading with Harry.

"Harry, I'm sooo sorry, but I just can't take it any more." And with that, she left running out of the hall holding her nose and her mouth wondering if she was going to hurl. As for Ron, he just stayed there looking more faint and started to move in the direction of Hermione.

"Harry, I need to get before,..."

Just as he said that, he started to run harder and faster towards the direction of Hermione.

'Well, I must have gotten my point across to them loud and clear.' he thought to himself. Harry then thought that he should go and find Ginny to see if she was doing alright. As he made his way towards the exit, he ran into Neville Longbottem.

"Hello Harry"

"Hey Neville. Gotta run."

Just as he said that, Neville caught a whiff of his bad breath and fainted. Harry did not even notice because he was so preoccupied with finding Ginny.

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Later on that day, he bumped into Ginny who was looking for Harry.

"Oh, hey Ginny, look, I hope you are doing better. I know I should not apologize for Ron and Hermione's actions, but I just could not believe that they were," Ginny, looked at him and cut him off mid sentence.

"Does this look familiar to you?" She asked in an urgent tone holding a tube of toothpaste with green letters on it.

"Well, yeah, it's my toothpaste. Why?" Harry asked wondering what she was getting at.

"Did you happen to look at the labeling of the tube."

"No, I did not have my glasses on while I was brushing my teeth. Why, what's the problem?"

Ginny looked at him with a little glint in her eyes.

"Read the whole tube of toothpaste."

Ginny handed him the tube and he started to read it out loud.

"FRED 'N' GEORGE toothpaste guaranteed to Knock Em' Dead"

Harry looked at the tube more fully, then looked at Ginny who was doing everything she could to keep from laughing at Harry.

"I don't get it, where did this come from, hang on, where did you get this?"

"It would seem that Fred and George switched your toothpaste the night before. Did you read the first active ingredient?"

Harry turned over the tube and read it silently. Onions were the first active ingredient. 

"Oh, that explains why you left, and why Ron and Hermione left in such a hurry."

"Did you hear that Neville was sent to the hospital wing because he fainted?"

Neville fainted! I thought I heard a thud after I went to leave, he thought to himself. And then there was the rather strange expression on Malfoy's face after he had a few choice words to say to him after potions class.

"Harry?" Ginny started as she could see that Harry was getting lost in his thought again.

"Oh, I'm sorry Ginny, I was just thinking about who, I mean, I, erm, was my breath really that horrid!"

"You have no idea hun," she said with a light giggle.

"And Ron and Hermione?"

"They're fine, they made up after they both got some fresh air. They both started to laugh because they thought it was funny that you were totally clueless about your breath."

Harry just looked at Ginny and then the toothpaste and then started to blush and grin a little feeling kinda sheepish. 

"It's okay dear, here, I have something for you."

Ginny handed him a can of ALTOIDS.

"They're curiously strong, and guaranteed to knock em' dead" she said with a laugh.

Harry just shook his head and burst into laughter at the little joke that Ginny had made. With that, Harry and Ginny started to head to their house for the night, while Harry was wondering what Ginny meant by calling him 'hun' and 'dear'. Could it be that she like him he thought? Maybe he needed to get bad breath more often he thought to himself, and with that , smiled inwardly.

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This is my first attempt at a fan fiction based story. Let me know what you all think. 


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